so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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