Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
