Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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