need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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