my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
