i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
