i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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