I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The best revenge is premature balding
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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