Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
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