YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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