you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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