Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
