It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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