Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.

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(646): View more from New York

vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic

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(602): View more from Arizona

I just woke up to me licking the dognuts

(623): View more from Arizona

You mean Doughnuts?

(602): View more from Arizona

......No :(

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes

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(254): View more from Texas

that's what penises do

(254): View more from Texas

they tell lies.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".

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(585): View more from New York

Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window

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(253): View more from Washington

A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.

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(251): View more from Alabama

The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day

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