peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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