Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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