i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
