I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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