The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize