Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
