My cat gives me a boner
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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