I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize