Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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