wat bout pragnant strippers??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
