True but thats because hes a fetus.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
