can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
