Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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