dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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