So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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