apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
