I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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