mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
