somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
