Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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