dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
