Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
PANTIES FOUND
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