he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
