So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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