Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
