I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
