I cannot find my penis.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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