I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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