Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
