Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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