At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
