Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
