yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
