Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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