Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Randomize
