So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
