She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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