My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize