Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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