I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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