Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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