jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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