Cold hands, warm shart.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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