Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
