I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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