don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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