if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
