Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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