I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
