Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
