nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
