If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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