is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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