she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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