Why is your signature on my underwear?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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