did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
