I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
