I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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