I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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