he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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