She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bring me that man meat
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
