Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
