Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I believe in your delicious
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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