So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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