I don't think brook has ever known best
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
