I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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