Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
