And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
